Long time, no update.
Even though I have let this blog slip away, i've stuck to my diet and dropped down from the 240ish weight I was at the beggining of my senior year to a weight of 165.
This seems like an enormous amount when read or written, but to me, i'm still looking at a very large, very unhappy girl.
While my initial goal is to be 140lbs by graduation (which is roughly 2 months away, give or take), I plan on continuing my diet afterwards until i'm around 125lbs.
This would put me around the middle of the suggested weight for a girl my age and height.
As far as dieting went, I rarely cheated, and when I did I felt an extreme amount of guilt, which made it harder to want to cheat the next time.
However, now that prom is over and done with, i've allowed myself to go up from my 16 pts a day diet, to a 20-21pts a day diet, depending on my hunger.
While I enjoy the idea of losing fast, I simply became tired of always being hungry and my body simply wasn't getting what it really needed - some good ol fat every once in a while.
I've also become much more lenient on cheating. While I still feel that strong guilt, i've been telling myself that i've gotten this far, and I deserve to be happy food wise on occassion. I AM a teenager trying to live life to the fullest and enjoy my senior year, and with that comes situations where I simply want to eat what my friends are eating. And that's exactly what i'm doing.
Now as far as self esteem goes, i've found that with my weight loss came more problems with myself. This sounds silly, but I feel worse now that I physically look better. I've been focusing so much on my body since August, that all I can see now is what I still need to work on and what looks terrible. Not how much i've done and how much better I look. It gets hard, but i'm working on letting myself be happy with what i've accomplished and look forward to further results.
I'm trying to find pictures to post before and afters.
But sadly, I rarely took full body shots when I was larger, and I didn't think to take any for motivation. :/ So if I don't find any before, i'll just go ahead and post my currents.
Hopefully they'll be up soon!
